Who will you run naked in the Carpathians with? Why did Ukrainians make a musical instrument out of a bucket? How can beer help you create music? And what sound do dentists fear? Not boring Ukrainian musical instruments and which ones will suit you. And we are already - butt in a pile and let's go!
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Zhaliyka (horn) – is that quiet shy friend who, after a drop of alcohol, can suck down a bottle of red, pour it into a horn, and then play it. This is a wind instrument that combines Ukrainian sorrow and Georgian fervor. On one side a pipe, on the other — a cow's horn. Don't worry! No Zorya was harmed.
This instrument has been known since the times of Kyivan Rus. So, princes could throw raves right under the zhaliyka. Although it could also be used as a weapon. Can you imagine, the Khazars attack, and here’s a shepherd blowing on the horn. No one would hold back.
Citra — is the Stepan Bandera among musical instruments. The citra was declared a nationalist sensation. It's a pity that the musical instrument can't be sent to a concentration camp. The citra is a string instrument that is plucked. But not with fingers, don’t worry about your manicure, but with a plectrum. Hector? Plectrum!
In the Bible, it was believed that angels play this instrument. Well, and Stepan Bandera.
Since the piano was as expensive as Colombian cocaine, the not expensive and portable citra replaced it. It was usually owned by teachers, priests, and other intelligentsia. By the way, the first version of the Ukrainian anthem was written specifically for the citra. That's why the Soviet authorities were like — burn it!
Kozа (duda) - This is a unique alcoholic instrument. It is made from goat or calf skin, turned inside out with the fur inside and tubes are inserted. The first one is for breathing, the second one is for playing. But this instrument has one quirk: it needs to be filled with 50 grams of vodka once a month. Otherwise, it won't work.
Kozobas is a friend who (LOOK HOW I CAN) Kozobas originated in the capital of Paris - Ivano-Frankivsk because there was a custom: when musicians crawled out of a wedding, and guests still wanted to party, they would take a bucket, a yoke, tie them with wires, and play until sunset. Such a miracle entertained guests on the fifth to seventh day of the wedding, and also helped carolers do candy business and lead the goat.
Trembita - is a friend for whom size matters. According to ancient Hutsul tradition, the trembita must be made from a thunderbolt. Not from a mermaid, but from the wood struck by lightning. The age of the tree should be 120-150 years. Only then will the master begin to make it to ultimately achieve a loud sound.
In general, the trembita was the mobile phone of the Carpathians: when they heard the rumble - oh, now it’s clear where the flock's geolocation is. Previously, the trembita was used for funerals, births, weddings, and wars. Well, of course, so compact, you could put it in your bag and run!
Kozyulka - nothing to do with Tymoshenko. Kozyulka is your friend who has caught "zen" too strongly and merged with nature. Because this whistle flute imitates the singing of birds, especially that childfree bird.
Tulumbas and timbales – those two friends who always go together and look for adventures on their “Madam I’ll Sit”. This is one of the types of military drums in Zaporizhzhia Sich. Well, why not? They found a cauldron, covered it with skin, hit it with a mace — and there you have a drum. They were like a broadcast in Viber: they called for a council of elders, reported threats, and transmitted orders during battle.
Moreover, they kept the rhythm of their army, and for the enemy — they dripped on their brains. And under the sound of cracking Bubniv, a Cossack-matryoshka would come out before the enemy army and take off his pants, presenting the “helicopter” and “gas storage”.
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Kobza - is like the most popular boy in school – everyone wanted to be with him. The body of the kobza is called the body, because it really is a machine. Playing the kobza while having a guitar in the dorm means all the girls are yours. But at that time, there were no tutorials on YouTube “How to play the kobza?”. So, you had to live 3 years with a kobzar.
Kozobas - is a friend who (LOOK HOW I CAN) Kozobas originated in the capital of Paris - Ivano-Frankivsk because there was a custom: when musicians crawled out of a wedding, and guests still wanted to party, they would take a bucket, a yoke, tie them with wires, and play until sunset. Such a miracle entertained guests on the fifth to seventh day of the wedding, and also helped carolers do candy business and lead the goat.
Derkach - a friend - beatboxer. Derkach is as simple as a door: a wooden box, a wheel, and a handle. Both the blind and the deaf, and those without taste can play on it. Hand it to Poplavskyi.
Tsymbaly - a friend who ended up in Romania the morning after a party. This is approximately how this instrument came to Ukraine. The Crusaders were supposed to carry faith and liberate the Cross, but they brought us tsymbaly (this is one version). The instrument spread across Ukraine faster than COVID and captured the nation's heart. To make the sound resonate not like from a barrel, they cut two holes. Then they also served as a monobank for music - people threw copper and silver coins into it. And then through a special hole, the musician would take his salary.
Bugay - your extravagant friend with BDSM notes - loves to be pulled by the hair. The upper hole of the wooden barrel is covered with skin and a horsehair is attached in the center. By the way, they only take the tail of the male, because, excuse my French, the horse goes forward and the mare backward. So with a clear conscience and clean hands, you can play this instrument. Bugay is a friend of the goat - he also doesn't like to dry out. Moreover, it only makes sound when the hands are moistened in beer or kvass.
Basolya (bass) - an instrument under cover. Everyone thinks it's a cello, but it only has the shape of a cello. Ukrainians looked at the basolya, looked at the stick, and thought: "Why do we need intermediaries? We will play with what God gave - our hands." The bass was strong enough. If it came to a quarrel, they literally beat the guests with it. And if it was also iron, then mmm...
Horseshoe. What is a real horseshoe? A real horseshoe. From a horse? From a horse. And how to play it? Simple. To produce a ringing sound, you need to hit the horseshoe with a small stick. Which on the horse? On the head. The horseshoe was hung like the well-known triangle and produced a ringing sound. And also, they often played on the horseshoe at weddings, as it brings money.
Rubel - is a friend who studied to be a medic but works at McDonald's. A washing machine of those times. But our people don’t put a finger in their mouth, let them dance on heels. So they made do with what was at hand. And at hand - laundry and a spoon.
Korbach - a friend who works three jobs. This is a Hutsul whip, which was initially just used to herd cattle. When the Hutsuls were disarmed, the korbach replaced their arsenal. And the third specialty of this whip is entertainment. It has two types of singing: a wail and a fart. To make a wail, the korbach is spun over the head. The faster, the higher the sound. Then a sharp snap is made, and it produces a fart. This fart sounds like a gunshot, and predators fear it.
Wheel Lyre - is a friend who had a Frenchman, a Brit, a German, a Hungarian, and a Ukrainian. The lyre is quite a thing - it has been all over Europe. Simply, her great-grandmother organistrum thought it was normal to be with two guys at the same time. She was so bulky that it was impossible to play otherwise. But her granddaughter is more decent - she has more than one musician. The lyre is extravagant, it looks different from all others. The repertoire of the lyre is like that of a friend with depression: psalms, thoughts, and sad songs. But sometimes the lyrist could bring the heat at a wedding.
Drymba - a friend with whom you will kiss French-style. The drymba resembles a horseshoe with an iron tongue. It is pinched between the lips or teeth, but be careful because the drymba is a dentist's dream and a patient's nightmare.
Floyara (dovbushynka) - a friend with whom you want to run naked in the Carpathians, gather herbs, and befriend the forest spirit. This flute has a drug-like effect. When you hear its melody, it immediately seems that you are one of the opryshky. Your legs carry you to dance, and before you know it, you’ve already started a rebellion against the Poles.
Kalatalo - a friend who sends SMS after SMS. Kalatalo is a simple instrument with a handle and a movable part for knocking. It replaced a tambourine or drum. In Vienna, there was even a kalatalo post where the postman ceremoniously announced his arrival to the addressee. It was also used by guards as a signal. It's like giving ATB guards this knocker instead of radios now.
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